These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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