ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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