the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
