Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
