I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
