'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize