So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize