i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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