I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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