I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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