Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
