found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
