Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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