Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
