His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
