If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
