We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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