Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
