instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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