That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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