I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This is not my ceiling
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
operation have a gay friend backfired
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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