then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
