Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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