one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
