the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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