yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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