Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
