I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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