My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
