Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
