The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
