and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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