I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize