fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
