omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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