I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
