A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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