Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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