yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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