How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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