Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
