I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
