So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
