There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just want nice things and good sex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
