you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
