Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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