I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
