drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
