People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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