you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
