I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
