I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
