so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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