Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
