Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
