he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
