Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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