I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
