he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
