Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
