I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
