i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
