So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
