thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
