Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
