who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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